A Misanthropist's Grocery List

I need an inoculation of artificial happiness.
--Eh, it’ll probably only hurt for a second—the happiness, not the inoculation.

I need Novocain.
--Go to dentist when done shopping—bring $70.

I need a dose of reality.
--Doctor said to take 7 capsules every hour—call him in the morning.

I need a steel trapezoid to remind myself I’m still alive.
--Head to Hardware Department—ask for X-Acto.

I need an enabler.
--Call Susan and see if she would be up for the task.

I need endorphins. (<- picture a strikeout here)
--Screw it—not possible with X-Acto.

I need a fix.

What’s my vice, you ask?

Life.

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